Dear Dr.Brew,
What is the square root of Xbox 360?
Your biggest fan, Peach.

Dear Peach,
The square root of Xbox 360 is Xbox 18.973666. In trigonometry as in life, “Xbox” is always a constant.

Dear Dr.Brew,
When are you going to get your own clothing line and cologne? I’d buy that for a dollar.
Fellow PhD DrEmmerich.

Dear Dr. Emmerich,
The Dr. Brew clothing line is still in the early stages. We hope to have it out in time for XCL Expo 2007, so that everybody may be able to partake in it. Early rumours have Tyra Banks interesting in being the main runway model for the Vienna fashion shows. After long, careful consideration, I have decided that this is the best news I’ve ever heard.

Dear Dr. Brew, How do i get rid of that ‘not so fresh’ feeling? I know this question is really dating me. Anyone else remeber those hilarious massengal commericals from the late 80s?
hovercraft2x

Dear hovercraft2x,
I too remember those commercials from the late 80s. Apparently, though, I remember them better than you do, because if memory serves, those commercials were for feminine hygiene products. Therefore, in answer to your first question, if you are experiencing that ‘not so fresh’ feeling, I would suggest you contact your family phsycian, ’cause somethin’ be WRONG. Good luck!

Dear Dr. Brew,
Why dont Dogs have belly buttons? Also, can we make the next XCL expo an all nude event?
Maxxpendragon

Dear Maxx,
Not long ago, dogs DID have belly buttons. Then, one day, a large group of dogs were invited to the Microsoft studios to get a first-paw look at a revolutionary gaming console that Microsoft was coming up with. Upon being shown this magnificient device, known as the “XBox”, the dogs got so excited, they all joined in to form what is now known as “The Howl Heard ‘Round The World”. They howled with delight so loudly and with such force, their stomachs expanded to their limit, thus pushing their “innie” belly buttons out again. Ever since, dogs have been born without belly buttons.

This actually isn’t that well-known, so you should tell this to as many of your friends as possible. They will no doubt appreciate it.

As for making XCLE ‘07 an all-nude event, that’s not really up to me. Technically, it’s certainly possible, but have you really thought about this? Consider the man-to-woman ratio in XCL. When I did, I realized that if I wanted to go to a sausage-fest, I would go to Germany in October. Since I would much rather spend time with my fellow gamers, I would have to think that the likelihood of an all-nude Expo is slim.

However, I recommend taking the idea to some of our female members and seeing what they say. In fact, you can ask them about it when you’re telling them why dogs have no belly buttons. Good luck!

Dear Dr. Brew,
Do you think the Oil will make it to the playoffs next year without the big stars?
mercury869

Dear Mercury,
Hey, nobody expected them to make the playoffs THIS year, let alone come within one game of winning the Cup. I hope that you’re able to repeat your amazing run of last year. Hopefully, when you lose in the final to the Toronto Maple Leafs this year, it will be less painful, since you’ll be losing to another Canadian team. See you in the finals!

Dear Dr. Brew,
why are people who play PGR3 ***holes??? except for me of course.
Creeping Judas

Dear Creeping,
Well, sadly, not everybody who plays on XBox Live is to everybody’s liking. You’re bound to run into some people that make you wish you could run into their cars for real. However, this is where XCL comes in. XCL games completely remove the “ass factor” that your worried about, and guarantee that you will have fun and competitive games - unless you’re playing against me, in which case you will have a fun game while trying to avoid getting crashed into by me. Many have tried. Few have succeeded. Will you join the select few? Only time will tell!

Dear Dr. Brew,
What is the exact crap/notcrap ratio of StarWars games?
Dr. Emmerich

Dear Dr. Emmerich,
This isn’t an exact number, but I would average the ratio to be about 3:1 - so, it seems that for every good Star Wars game that is released, there are three that come out that are…well, not so good. However, I do believe that average is on its way down. KOTOR and KOTOR II are both fantastic additions to the Star Wars family, and Battlefront and Battlefront II are also solid. Personally, my favorite will always be the original Star Wars arcade game - you know, the one you sat in, with the linear graphics and awesome Star Wars music that played as you tried to blow up the Death Star over and over and over? That is one of my favorite games of all time. However, I am old.

I saw a test video on YouTube for something that LucasArts is working on, and it looked fantastic. It seemed to picture the Jedi using dark powers to lay waste to scores of Stormtroopers. I think there’s a link on the XCL Forums so you can see it yourself. If that is in-game footage, things are definitely looking up for Star Wars gaming fans.

That’s it for this session. Keep sending me your questions, and I’ll keep sending you the answers you seek. Do, or do not - there is no try. See you then!

–Dr. Brew